The Naughty Professor: Hank and John at the Beach – REUNION!

by on January 24, 2014

In which Hank and John go to the beach and have a chat.

The Art Assignment: http://www.youtube.com/user/theartassignment

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Human With An Unknown Name January 24, 2014 at 3:52 pm

Beefy Fart
Sounds loud, and will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog turd.
Brewer Fart
You try to push a brewer fart out, but it stays firmly lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is some form of gaseous landmark.

Bunbuster Fart
Sounds like a Beefy Fart, except much more sudden and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.

Compost Fart
You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom of the garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of what a compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this one while you have company.

Eggy Fart
Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.

Escape Pod Fart
You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently as possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your nose, as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your deodorant. Then 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everyone starts to cough and sputter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.

GNL Fart
Gambled ‘n’ lost. You take a gamble that it’s going to be a fart and stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more than a fart…

Growling Fart
Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.

Gunshot Fart
Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly rare. In fact they are so rare that most people don’t know they even exist. One report says: “I have only witnessed one gunshot fart myself, my own, and almost scared the poop out of my girlfriend who was lying asleep beside me at the time. She thought it was a gunshot, and it was so named. A few others have referred to these rare creatures, so proving their existence.

Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like this little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.

Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important meetings, and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench your buttocks together so hard that you nearly give yourself a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends on a number of factors, but Sods law tends to win out in the end.

On The Spot Fart
You didn’t even know it was there, but suddenly ‘Brrmp’.

Prelude To A Poopie
You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.

Present (a.k.a. ‘Time I Wasn’t Here’ Fart)
The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small poopie as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and thank God you weren’t in a business meeting when it happened. If you were in a business meeting of course, you’re screwed.

Silent but Deadly (SBD) Fart
The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.

Sphinctal Napalm
Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Never mind the smell, worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it must have left.

Squeaky Fart
Sounds like ‘Wheeek’. Normally smells foul.

Stalker Fart
Occurs when you leave the room to politely fart elsewhere, and save people the trouble of breathing your flatulent devils breath. You go back into the room, but LO! The foul nasal bombardment has followed you, and you are duly criticized for poor manners.

Tandem Fart
Tandem Farts are the worst smelling and longest lasting farts ever to be recorded. They are so named since they are the only fart that is detectable by the nose on a Tandem bicycle (bicycle built for two) as it is being pedaled. A tandem fart occurs when the captain of the bike farts and the stoker smells it. As you can imagine, the fart most be extremely strong to compete with the wind and to get to the stoker’s nose. Extremely disgusting farts off of a tandem are sometimes called Tandem farts, but they can never be confirmed as true Tandem.

Trouser Ripping Special
Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.

Underwater Fart
Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of a nuclear sub. Can be smelled on rising to the surface, and experienced wind breakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to set light to them.

Windy Fart
The sort of fart, which goes ‘Whoosh’, and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.

Worrying Fart
The kind that seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the next possible opportunity.

Creds to bathroomjokes.com

Reply

Jenny "Sarty" January 25, 2014 at 5:04 pm

Dave C. Green: A brief history

Dave C. Green, nicknamed “Sea Green” by his school friends, has sadly always been overshadowed by his two older siblings, John and Hank. Dave was one of those kids who sat right in the middle of the bell curve in school and in almost every aspect of his life. If only he had been born to average parents and had average siblings, Dave’s life could have been pleasant and comfortable. In a family where extreme intelligence and wit were the norm, however, poor Dave was doomed to be unimpressive, uncelebrated, and most tragically, un-awesome.

The tragic loss of his ant farm at age 14 hit Dave hard. He struggled to maintain his C-average, but through adequate study and sufficient effort, he was able to graduate high school and then go on to graduate from an acceptable and affordable college with a degree in architecture. More recently, Dave has been promoted to mid-level management at a design firm and has personally been responsible the successful design and completion of 3 retaining walls.

Dave C. Green is a good person who cares about his family, likes mellow jazz and light pop music, and enjoys a good crossword puzzle. You’ll never find anyone to say anything bad about Dave C. Green. You’ll also never find anyone to say anything exceptional about him. And he’s not really okay with that. He watches his brothers’ videos with a slowly rising jealousy that is probably not healthy for his age-appropriate atherosclerotic arteries. “To be average used to be an acceptably good thingl”, Dave thinks from time to time. “But when you are average in a group that excels, you are never assigned a label of good or bad. You aren’t really anything.”

“I’m going to be something, and I’m going to be something someday soon”— Sea Green, 1/24/2014

Reply

Mallori M. January 27, 2014 at 8:25 pm

Where in Florida were you? :) cause I just so happen to live in Florida too!

Reply

sd February 3, 2014 at 5:14 pm
sds February 3, 2014 at 5:13 pm
Taylor April 3, 2014 at 11:23 am

You know that thing where you laugh, and there’s that small yet menacing bit of saliva in the back of your throat, which goes unnoticed, until you make the unfortunate desicion to laugh, and that evil saliva goes down the wrong way in your throat, so you start coughing and pause the funny cat video you’re watching so you can experience your momentary spaz out without distraction, and you see your life flash before your eyes (which are watering profusely now), but then you drink some water and you’re all good?

Yeah. That happened while watching this.
Thanks guys. Thanks.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: